


its not your body that i love, but its the shell you're inside of

by KAZ2Y5



Category: Superman - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, F/M, Lois Lane has an eating disorder
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-20
Updated: 2019-08-18
Packaged: 2020-01-20 19:02:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,634
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18531208
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KAZ2Y5/pseuds/KAZ2Y5
Summary: I have an ED = I write my favs with ED's. Probably a little triggering tbh I kind of cried writing some of it. The title is from Nicole Dollanganger - Please Eat. MA bc ED's suck also maybe sex. As always I have put very little for thought into a "plot". This is just 6 drabbles all based on meals that Lois skips.Please don't read if you want something prolific, I am a garbage fire and these will be short.





	1. Breakfast

Lois Lane wakes up in her bed 3 minutes before her alarm is supposed to go off, almost exactly three hours after she had fallen asleep. She knows she should just get up and start getting ready, but she is so warm and still so tired.

Her stomach grumbles, an angry sound that Lois has come to both dread and love. 

Nausea will come soon, but for just one moment in the warmth of her bed, sleep still clinging to the edges of her consciousness, she is floating on the weightlessness of an empty stomach. 

Once she slipped under 100 pounds warmth became a coveted thing, and laying in bed right now will be the warmest she is all day until she gets back in bed.

Her eyelids are heavy and if she lays here much longer she will easily sleep through the whole day but her alarm starts going off and she knows she needs to get up now. 

As much as she hates her anatomy professor she knows she can’t miss his class again this week.  

And it’s Friday.

The thought is less appealing when you have to work all weekend but she still can’t shake the Friday mentality when it comes to school. 

She rolls out of bed and the cold air in her small bedroom causes goosebumps to race up her arms and thighs. 

She should shower, but she showered yesterday and the idea of having to see herself naked is less appealing than the idea of greasy hair. 

Not for the first time she laments not having a buzzcut. 

Her hair is short enough that there is no putting it up in a bun or ponytail, so she grabs a black beanie and pulls it down over her ears. 

She doesn’t usually care about her appearance but she knows Clark will be in anatomy with her, he never misses, and she doesn’t like the idea of him seeing her with her greasy undone hair. 

She fell asleep in a ratty White Snake shirt so she just slips into leggings and grabs her thick plaid jacket. 

It might be Septemeber but she still needs the warmth of a jacket and having another layer to obscure her figure doesn’t hurt either. 

Her backpack is prepacked with everything she needs for school, including almost 2oz of some dirt weed she got last night that she hasn’t put away yet, so she slips her phone and cigs into her coat pocket and leaves. 

The walk to campus is long, and she takes the subway as far as she can but she’d rather walk the last bit than get on a bus, She’d walk the whole way if she were willing to wake up early enough to get there on time. 

Halfway through the walk, the hunger nausea hits full force and she ducks into an alley to spit and lean herself against a wall. 

She takes deep breaths but the amount of saliva pooling in her mouth is making her even more queasy. 

_ Glamorous _

Lois throws up a little bit of bright yellow bile and then continues the rest of the walk to school with her lips set into a tight grimace. 

She doesn't always throw up when she’s hungry but she is nearing the end of a 48 hour fast and her stomach can’t cope anymore. 

She crosses the final street and is officially on campus. She briefly wonders what time it is but she honestly couldn’t care less about whether she’s on time or not. 

She begins contemplating if she should duck into a bathroom and roll a joint but there’s no way she’d be able to hide it from Clark, who has some serious things about addiction to say to her when she is high at inappropriate times. 

She is so deep in thought she doesn’t even notice right away when Clark sidles up next to her, but she does smell the unmistakable scent of his favorite lemon cream donuts and Clark smiles brightly when they make eye contact. 

“Hey, Smallville.” When they first started hanging out she called him “Boyscout’ but as soon as she heard the name of the town he was from it was immediately cemented as his forever nickname. 

His mouth is full of pastry but he rolls his bright blue eyes in his unmistakable feigned annoyance and Lois smiles for the first time all morning. 

Swallowing hard he returns her greeting and offers to hold her bag just like he does every morning.

The first few times he offered she had been indignant, but now she knows that’s just the person he is. He asks everyone, and to find out Clark was helping some random person move was irritatingly common. 

The joke was that he was such a jock that he never stopped lifting. 

“Did you study for the test today? I know you skipped on Wednesday so you can look over my notes if you want.” 

By the look on her face, he can tell she forgot there was a test, so he starts going off about how she should at least text and ask what she missed when she’s not going to show up for class. 

“Besides,” He sighs “anatomy sucks without you, you shouldn't be skipping anyway.” 

Lois can’t help the way her stomach flutters a little when he says that but Clark is such an emotionally open book that he is always saying nice things like that, at least she’s learned not to blush. 

“I know I shouldn’t have but Tuesday night I was up” She drags out the word “super” for about 2 whole seconds before continuing “late because of, well because of some stuff and basically I slept through my alarm.”

“Don’t make excuses to me, Lane, the only person you’re hurting is yourself.” Clark takes on a mock condescending tone, like a chastising parent. 

They enter the Science building and make their way up three flights of stairs. Halfway through, Clark offers to hold her bag again but it makes her want to hold on even more. She’s definitely out of breath though.

“So what conspiracy theory are you investigating now?” When she doesn’t answer Clark continues to prod “I can only think of two things that would keep you up all night; some weird indie band concert or breaking and entering. If it was a concert you would have just told me.”

“It was a date.” 

Class starts and he doesn’t ask about it again. Not that he would be able to while they silently take their test, but she ruminates on why she said it at all in the imposed silence. 

She doesn’t know why she’s disappointed. 

Lois knows Clark has a crush on her. She knew she was saying it to get him to stop asking, and she knew it was bitchy but part of her wants him to confront her. To ask how she can be dating when she turned him down. She kind of wants him to be jealous. 

That’s not who Clark is, and it normally isn’t who Lois is either. Some part of her has been conditioned to believe that when a guy likes you he will be all macho and over possessive. She knows that’s just culture and that it’s wrong but what bothers her most about it, is that she shouldn’t want to put him through that.

She told him straight up that she wasn’t trying to date anyone after Matt for a while, but her stupid lizard brain wants him to fight for her. All while knowing that she would have felt incredibly disrespected if he’d acted that way, but that’s what she liked.

Clark... Clark respected her, and it wasn’t just broad respect for anyone. Clark valued her friendship so much that he was willing to just move past that to continue being her friend without any strings attached.

And she is just being mean.

Once Anatomy is over Clark is packing up his bags and she whispers “Ok, I may have done some light b and e at Luthorcorp on Tuesday night but don’t be a little bitch about it.” 

“Oh yeah, because expressing concern that my best friend is committing a felony is being a ‘little bitch’.”

“Aw, I’m, your best friend?” Lois grabs on to that to change the subject and finishes packing up her things. She is happy to see the relief in his eyes now that he knows she wasn’t on a date. 

“Of course you are, you big nerd.”

“Technically I’m committing a felony right now anyway.” Lois smiles and shrugs.

“Yeah I can smell it, I just follow the scent of weed until I find you.”

“Same, but instead of weed you always smell like donuts.”

“Probably because I have a dozen donuts in my backpack, you want one?”

The offer is so sincere that she almost does take one, and she knows her empty stomach would appreciate it but she just smiles and shakes her head no.

“I’ve got big plans with a blunt and Chinese food later, I wouldn’t want to spoil my appetite.” Which isn’t a lie, like it usually is when she says she’s going to eat a big meal later. 

“Well, generally, humans are supposed to eat three meals a day.”

“What meal is carrying around and eating a dozen donuts throughout the day?”

“Throughout the day? These will be gone by lunch.”

She can’t help but snort, and by this time they’ve made their way back into the hallway to leave the building and several people are witness to the unattractive noise. 

“Can I join you?” He asks, and Lois can tell he’s trying his hardest to seem casual.

“You don’t even smoke weed.”

“But I do eat Chinese food. A lot of it actually.”

“I’d be honored to have you join me, Clark.” She smiles at him and while they’re walking side by side and she has to squash the desire to hold his hand. 

She doesn’t like Clark like that.

There’s a small voice in the back of her mind yelling that if she has to convince herself she doesn’t like him than she probably does.


	2. Lunch

When her father makes plans for them to go to lunch it is more of an order than an invitation. Mostly because of the fact that he vetoed her declining to go to lunch with him.

When he tells her Lucy will be there she is placated enough not to continue to fight him on it. 

She can probably manage an hour at a restaurant without shoving all of the food in the whole place into her gaping maw. She might not be able to avoid having a breakdown though. 

She texts Clark to see if he wants to come, but he doesn’t answer by the time she has to leave. 

It is a short walk to the restaurant that her father chose and she is glad to not have to take public transport. She practices her calming mantras the whole walk over. 

Lois has taken many walks around her neighborhood for the exact purpose of knowing her surroundings and she finds the restaurant with ease. She is not surprised to see her father’s truck parked on the street in front of the restaurant already and her anxiety spikes immediately.

She sees Lucy’s face pressed close against the glass and her heart picks up. She hasn’t seen Lucy since she went away to college, except via Skype, and she is excited to give her little sister a big hug. 

Lucy notices and turns to her dad excitedly, and she can tell through the window that her dad has disapproved of some part of Lucy’s behavior as her face falls and she moves away from the window. 

It makes Lois angry to watch from outside the restaurant. She knows what it is like to be the little girl under his constant criticism and she has to physically stop herself from being a coward and walking right past the building. 

When she decides not to be a coward and opens the door she is confronted immediately with the tacky faux 50’s diner vibe and the bright polyester booths. 

Clark would love this place. She pulls her phone out of her pocket and quickly checks to see if he has responded, but no luck. 

Lois spots Lucy moving towards her across the small room and she meets her quickly to pull her into a deep hug. 

She remembers when Lucy was first born. She remembers pulling this sweet baby into her arms and smelling her soft head like it was a rock in a storm. She remembers the last time she was strong enough to pick her up. 

Lucy is 10 now, and her dark tightly curled hair is plaited neatly against her head. She is perfectly put together, unlike Lois was at her age, and she marvels at the difference in Lucy growing up with her mom around versus Lois who lived only with their dad for so long.  

“Hey, cubby.” She whispers using an old nickname from when Lucy was a baby and pressing her lips to Lucy’s brassy brown check which was flushed with heat.

“I missed you,” Lucy mumbles against the collar of Lois’ plaid jacket and Lois hugs her tighter. 

When they separate The General has made no move to get up to greet her, and she can only imagine he is annoyed that Lucy did. 

Lucy sits next to her father so that they can sit across from each other and Lois makes her first mistake of the meal. 

“Take your jacket off at the table.” The General commands, his voice dark.

“Nice to see you too,” She grumbles and shakes her jacket off her shoulders, spreading her jacket across the empty part of her booth “What are you doing in the city, I thought you thought this place was a cesspool?”

“It is,” He takes a small sip of his black coffee and doesn't offer anything else up.

Lucy takes advantage of the silence and starts telling Lois about the field trip her class went on to a farm sometime in the recent past.

Lois doesn’t bother trying to engage The General any longer. She’d rather not speak with him at all. If he wanted to invite her out to sit in silence then fine. That was just fine. 

“And, Lois, I touched a real-life skunk with its butt sprayer removed and-”

“Lucy.” Her dad’s voice is sharp but low, and it causes a small amount of fear to cross Lucy’s face, “That’s hardly appropriate for the table and for a young lady.”

Lucy’s face scrunches up a little “Sorry, sir, I meant Scent Glands.”

“Lois doesn’t want to hear about your little trip to the farm either.”

“Don’t put words in my mouth.” She snaps, probably more tersely than need be but she hates to watch him put Lucy down like he used to do to her, “And butt sprayer is pretty accurate for a skunk I’d say, but I probably would have said ‘stank glands’ or ‘butt stank juice’.”

Lucy snorts and covers her mouth.

“That’s enough. I didn’t teach you to speak like a degenerate.” 

“Oddly enough I picked it up anyway, must be from living in a cesspool.” 

“If I hadn’t been there I would think you were born knowing how to curse the way you do it,” The General grumbles and she’s sure he has more to say, but a blonde waitress with curly pigtails comes up to the table and smiles.

“Are y’ all ready to order?”

They all respond ‘yes’ in unison.

Her father starts, ordering some heart-healthy steak, and Lucy orders eggs over easy even though it’s lunchtime. 

When the waitress gets to Lois she almost orders a large meatloaf dinner but she stops herself and smiles “I’d like water please, and the fruit salad.”

“And that’ll be all?”

Lois locks eyes with the General and then nods and to thank her.

He waits until the waitress leaves.

“Are you really only going to eat a side of fruit?”

“If you wanna be like that I can just not eat anything.”

“Lois this is ridiculous. You look awful.”

It’s meant to be an insult but Lois knows that by awful he means too thin and some sick part of her is happy he noticed. 

“Wow, dad, tell me how you really feel.”

“This isn’t a game. Stop acting like a petulant child and eat some damn food.”

“Better watch your mouth, wouldn’t want Lucy to learn any swears and end up like me.” 

She casts a surreptitious glance at her little sister and feels guilty when she sees how uncomfortable she is. 

The General is full on glaring at her at this point, and if he wasn’t such an asshole all the time she would feel bad. Obviously, he just wants his daughter to be healthy, but it was his impossible standards that lead to her fasting in the first place.

He doesn’t respond to her jab at all, and instead, he picks up his coffee with a barely trembling hand and Lois turns her attention away from him.

“So, Lucy, anything else fun happen at the farm?”

Lucy, afraid to continue, glances at her father for permission but he doesn’t look at her. 

She looks back to Lois and smiles hesitantly “Well... there was like a Petting Zoo and I got to pet a lot of different animals and we got to see the chicks.”

“Is there a particular unit in school you’re studying that made you go to the farm?” Lois probs, trying to remember what kinds of things she would have wanted to speak about at that age and in front of their father. 

“We were there to do some navigation thing but it was basically just doing a corn maze and then we had to fill out a sheet about what we learned.”

“Did you get lost in the maze?” 

“A baby wouldn’t get lost in that maze, Lo.”

Lois laughs and leans back in the booth, relaxing. 

“What are you doing in school, Lois?”

Her father’s voice has her sitting back upright again. She considers making a snarky comment but swallows her antagonistic nature to allow him to ask normal questions about her life. 

“A little bit of this and that. My main focus this semester has been a pretty intense anatomy class, so I took some gen eds to give myself the ability to focus on that.”

The General shakes his head and Lois feels a sense of pride to have given an answer he doesn’t have something shitty to say about. 

“What do you do in anatomy? Dissect frogs and stuff?”

Lois shrugs and doesn’t even notice the devious smirk that crosses her face “No, more like brains and little girls.” She does a witch's cackle afterward and Lucy just rolls her eyes, too old to be scared by Lois’ antics. 

“Really?”

“No, mostly it’s just trying not to fall asleep when the professor gets off topic... or when he’s on topic.” She stops herself from making a comment about how she just copies Clark’s notes and instead decides to play it gender neutral “I have a friend in the class who’s a genius so we study together and I’ve been doing pretty well.”

“I guess you could have taken more rigorous courses then.” 

Now, it’s not the worst thing he could say, but it’s all in the tone.

“I guess I could have, but I didn’t realize I would have such a helpful lab partner. I can’t see into the future, no matter how disappointed that makes you.”

“Don’t be ridiculous, I just see you taking the easy way out when I know you’re smart enough to do better.”

“Well, I’m not trying to waste money and over-loading myself and then not be able to do my best in every class.” She didn’t know why she bothered to try and defend herself to him, she could win a Nobel Peace Prize and he would still find a way to criticize her. 

“I know that’s what you’ve convinced yourself but I know you can do better and I don’t want you to just coast through this like you did in high school.”

“Here’s the thing, General, is that you actually don’t know anything about me.”

The waitress sets her water down in front of her like she doesn’t want to even address the conversation happening in front of her and Lois sends her an apologetic smile. 

“Don’t be so dramatic. I’m your father, I know what’s best for you and what you’re capable of. You always spiral downward when you’re not mentally engaged enough.”

“Please don’t pretend you’ve ever paid enough attention to notice my mental health patterns.” 

If they were in a cartoon the General would have steam coming out of both his ears and the tone of his voice cautions Lois to proceed carefully “I know you’ve got this fantasy in your head that I’m some Evil Dictator oppressing you, Lois, but it’s not that hard to notice when your daughter is starving herself to death.”

“Are we really going to do this right now, with the kid here?” Lois looks back and forth between them and suddenly-

Her phone vibrates.

“I’m going to the bathroom.”

She slips out of the booth and darts towards the bathroom quicker than The General can start to protest and practically runs towards the neon restroom sign. 

When she sees the sign for a family bathroom she sighs in relief and flings the door open, locking it behind her immediately.

She kind of wishes she had eaten something today just to be able to throw up right now because the way she is feeling needs to be, quite literally, purged from her body. 

He’d brought her here, invited Lucy, just to attack her about her weight. She should have known he would have some ulterior motive for wanting to see her. 

Her hands, shaking, find her phone in her pocket and pull it up to read it in the darkness of the bathroom because she hadn’t been bothered to find the light switch.

The blue light of her phone illuminates her face like a child telling a scary story would with a flashlight. 

_ Can i call u  _

And she wants to laugh because how could she possibly deserve him, it’s like he can sense she needs to hear his voice. 

She calls him. 

“Hey, Smallville, what’s up.” Her voice is smaller than he has probably ever heard but he must chalk it up to volume on the phone because he launches into some story about helping someone find their lost dog and it takes her a moment to realize he’s explaining why he didn’t respond to her text. 

“It’s ok, what are you doing now?”

“I was gonna hit the gym but I’ll take literally any excuse not to go.” He laughs and the sound picks Lois up enough that she finds the light switch and she walks over to the sink. 

“I’m at lunch with my dad.”

There is a prolonged silence on the other end and Lois wonders what he’s thinking.

“Clark?”

“I’m sorry I didn’t  check my phone, I know how much that whole situation is freaking you out.”

Lois nods “Yeah, he’s been pretty awful the whole time. I’ve only been here like twenty minutes.”

“Do you want me to come?”

“He’d just be shitty and act like you were my boyfriend,” Lois explains, trying to reason against him making his way out, even though she was the one who invited him in the first place.

She desperately wanted him to come, but she wanted to make up an excuse and leave in a minute.

“Yeah, but at least he wouldn’t be being shitty about your weight.” 

“There has been way too much talk about my weight in general today.” She snaps but wishes she could take it back as soon as she does.

“Ok, I won’t come to lunch, but I’m gonna head over to your apartment and hang out until you come home.”

“Whatever, you know where the spare key is, right?”

“It’s on my keychain still, actually.”

“What happens if I lock myself out?”

“Well... I can put it back when I get there.”

“If you promise to come to unlock the door for me if it ever happens then you can keep it, you’re the only one who uses it anyway.” 

Clark is quiet for another moment and then “Well, we can talk about it when you get here. Are you sure you don’t want me to come to lunch?” 

“I’m sure, but can you put some halo top on the kitchen counter when you get there, I’m skipping lunch and going right to desert today.”

Clark makes a sound the vaguely resembles a laugh but Lois can tell he still wants to press coming to the restaurant. 

“Clark, the idea of my father meeting you and getting any of his awful personality near you is terrifying to me. I invited you out of weakness because I was...” She doesn’t want to admit she was afraid “I was...”

Lois catches her reflection in the bathroom mirror and for a second she sees a sallow-faced gaunt woman with big dark eyes instead of the dysmorphic atrocity she normally sees.

“Lois?”’

“Sorry, because I wasn’t sure what was going to happen, but I’m going to just walk right out the door as soon as we get off the phone and head home.”

“I support whatever you want to do.”

“I know.”


	3. Dinner

She is alone in her apartment. Curtains drawn, lights out. TV on.   
The blue glow of the small screen illuminates Lois where she has been laying on her couch for two days.   
It could be noon or midnight.   
The only sounds, other than her TV, are the restless sounds of living in the city and even nighttime doesn’t dim those.   
She was asleep.   
She doesn’t Know why she woke up but she takes the opportunity to stretch towards the remote and lower the volume of her TV.   
She’d rather listen to honking and half sided phone conversations but the idea of turning the TV off seems... too lonely.  
Several hours ago, she thinks, her phone had gone off a few times but she hadn’t been bothered to check it.   
She groans as she moves her arm to grab the remote and the pain reminds her of why she is lying on the couch in the first place and...  
And she doesn’t let herself think about it.  
She drops her arm, suddenly content with the volume of the TV.   
She has to go to the bathroom.   
Thankfully her legs aren’t sore as she raises from the couch with little complaint from her lower half, and cradles her arms against her aching midsection as she shuffles towards the bathroom.  
Her phone goes off again, definitely a phone call.   
She tries to think about who might be calling her but not knowing what time it is limits her ability to narrow it down.   
The buzzing is too quiet to hear once she closes her bathroom door.  
Lois leaves the light off to go to the bathroom more out of disordered habit than anything else but she is glad to not have to see her bruised face in the mirror as she walks past it.   
When she washes her hands, it is too dark to make out her features, which means that the sun is not out so she knows it must be nighttime.   
Her stomach drops.   
Another day has passed with her laying low.  
The police had told her to lay low of a little while.   
Told her the guy had no way of knowing where she lived so she...  
She desperately does not want to think about it.   
As always, even subconscious proximity to scale can make her desire to weigh herself, and it is the perfect distraction.  
She doesn't need to undress because she doesn’t have any clothes on except a pair of white boxers, pinstripe blue, that Clark had left over and had gotten mixed up in her laundry that she had put on for comfort.   
She kind of smirked, but her split lip stopped her from smiling fully. The boxers were a decent analogy for her whole relationship with Smallville.   
Facing away from the mirror and towards the scale, she flips on the light of her bathroom and winces at the contrast.  
She steps on the scale and steps off. Starting it up.  
She steps back on.  
Even in the worst of times, she is happy to have lost her appetite.  
The number is small. Smaller than she has seen since her last inpatient stint and the thought both scares and excites her.   
It is enough of a mood lifter that she decides it is ok to look in the mirror.   
OK.  
OK.  
OK?  
She nods slightly as she accesses her face.   
She remembers being told her nose was broken when they rattled off why she was in the hospital a few days ago, and she hasn’t been able to breathe through it since it happened but to see the setting still in her nostrils is a harsh reminder.   
She remembers the exact boot to her face that broke it too, but the police weren’t as interested in hearing about that as asking why she was in Luthor Corp in the first place.   
She remembers being hit from behind and on the arms but she isn’t sure what with, and the bruises circling her arms and ribs are narrow but very angular and dark. So dark.   
She can hardly believe, between laying at home and being in the hospital, that it has been four days since the attack.   
She is still so black, and purple, and red.  
She wears the bandages around her ribs still and they itch fiercely against her skin.   
She flips out the light and takes a deep breath only to be stung by the pain in her ribs. Just bruised, not broken, but painful still.   
She is surprised that the bruised ribs hurt more than the broken nose. Though she has had her nose broken a few times in her life, so maybe she just knows what to expect.   
She walks out of the bathroom and her phone is buzzing again.   
It actually makes her feel better because there are only two people who would be blowing her up like this after a four-day disappearing act and her dad already got told to fuck off at the hospital so she knows it must be Clark.   
She is still relieved when she grabs her phone from where it is plugged in on her kitchen counter and sees the ridiculous picture of him fill up her phone screen.  
Lois misses the call.  
Normally she would take a moment to process what she wanted to say before calling back but once the call screen fully fades she sees just how many times Clark has called her.  
42 times since she checked out of the hospital.   
Her phone buzzes to tell her she has a new voicemail from Clark.   
Her phone gives her the suggested activity to call Clark back and she swipes it quickly.   
“Are you ok?”  
Clark’s voice on the other end of her phone is like a leavening agent.  
She stands up straighter but regrets it.   
She wants to sound confident when she answers but instead, she just says “Good Question” like a teacher who doesn’t know the answer.   
Clark is silent for a moment, she wonders if he is waiting for her to say something more but she doesn’t know where to begin.  
His voice is higher in octave but quieter when he continues “Can I come over?”  
Lois wants to cry into the phone that she wished he’d been here the whole time, she wished it had been him instead of her father at the hospital, she wished that he’d been there to help her up the four flights of stairs when she came home, wished he’d been here when an angry guy yelling into his cell phone as he passed her apartment had given her a panic attack.   
She’s nodding her head ‘yes’ and takes in a shaky but shallow breath.   
She makes a noise in her throat that sounds affirmative and she’s glad she can’t see his face when he hears it.   
“Ok.” He responds “I’ll be there in 10 minutes.”  
His apartment is at least 30 min away but she is so glad he will be here sooner she doesn’t even question it.   
“I’m hanging up now.” She hangs up.   
There is no madly dashing about with bruised ribs and a torso marred with stitches and bruising but she tries to do her best to move quickly.  
There isn’t much to clean up in her apartment but she needs to at least brush her teeth. Maybe scrub her armpits and face.   
He will be seeing her buzz cut for the first time.   
She had joked with herself about getting one, even seriously considered it, but the nurse didn’t give her much choice, just asked if she wanted it shaved just around the stitches or all over.   
It is exactly ten minutes later when Clark shows up.  
He knocks, even though he has a key.   
She calls for him to come in from the bathroom, putting down the washcloth she had wiped herself up with and reaching for the door.   
She is still shirtless but the idea of him seeing her naked is much less of an issue than her anxiety about his reaction to how beat up she is.   
“Are you in the bathroom?” She hears his dark voice from right outside the door and her heart flutters.   
“Yeah,”   
“Do you want me to wait out here?”  
Lois realizes that the reason he is asking is because what he wants to do is just open the door and come in to see her but he’s too polite.   
“I’m coming out, brace yourself I’m - I had an accident,”   
“An accident?”  
She opens the bathroom door and she can hear the intake of breath as Clark reacts to her appearance like a physical blow. It makes her want to cry.  
“It’s not that bad.”  
He doesn’t respond, instead, he just puts his hands on either side of her face and kisses her so gently that she can’t help the little tear that spills out.   
“Do you want to talk about it?”  
She doesn’t but it’s guaranteed that whatever Clark is assuming happened is way worse than the truth so she shrugs “One of Lex’s thugs found me rifling through some stuff and beat me up.”  
He looks like he wants to chastise her and she is ready for it but it never comes.   
“I should have come with you.”  
“Clark, what would that have changed? Just because you work out doesn’t mean you’d stand a better chance than I did, he snuck up me.”  
“Well if I had been there he wouldn’t have been able to sneak up on you... for starters.” He doesn’t finish and there is something left unspoken in the air but she is not sure what.  
Lois has always prided herself on reading those unspoken things but with Clark... sometimes she feels as if there is a whole world he’s hiding from her.   
Especially since they started sleeping together.   
Her mind goes to that change in their relationship quickly as she stands there in front of him in only a pair of his boxers.  
And just like his mind has gone there as well his eyes fall from her face to look at her body.   
She knows he’s just looking at the bruises and the cuts but she still blushes.  
“Did he beat you up with a crowbar?” His voice is a whisper and it jars Lois from where her mind was wandering.  
“It was actually too dark for me to see what he was using, but damn did it feel like it.”  
“Are you going to press charges?”  
Lois takes a deep breath and the real reason she has locked herself in her apartment comes to a head.  
“Lo?”  
She reaches in and wraps her arms around him.   
There is no talking for a moment as Clark waits for her to respond.  
“Lois, he beat the shit out of you? Are you not going to even think about pressing charges?”  
“Ok, he didn’t beat the shit out of me.” She tries to stand up for herself because she did get in a few good hits too.  
“Are you kidding me?”   
“The cops were there Clark, they’re all on Lex’s payroll or something. They didn’t even take me to the hospital, they just took me to the precinct and started interrogating me. I hate to admit it but... well if it hadn’t been for the General who knows what would have happened.”   
“You called your dad?” Clark is incredulous and he pulls away from her carefully.   
“It’s not like I wanted to, but I thought I was going to die in that police station.”  
“You called your dad before you called me?”  
“Clark don’t be like that if you had the clout to get someone of jail I would have much rather called you.”   
His voice is small when he responds to her in a few seconds “I guess I just don’t understand why you didn’t call me at all. I mean... I’ve been calling you pretty much non stop.”  
Secretly, she had hoped Clark would show up and everything would have just turned back to normal and they could have watched movies and fooled around but she should have known better.  
“I’m embarrassed. I didn’t want you to say ‘I told you so’ about sneaking around LexCorp and also... well I didn’t want to call you from the hospital because my dad was there and if he’d seen you he would have thought...” she trails off because now she doesn’t know if he would be hurt by her not wanting the General to think he’s her boyfriend  
“I don’t know why you’re embarrassed and even still... you should never be embarrassed in front of me, I... I want to be there for you when stuff happens and I would never say ‘I told you so’ out loud.”   
She snorts, not sure if he’s trying to bring levity to the situation or if he’s being 100% serious and she doesn’t know which is funnier.   
He comes to her again and wraps his arms around her gently “Also... would it be so bad if your dad thought I was your boyfriend?”  
She kisses him instead of responding. The effort of stretching to reach his mouth stresses her hurt ribs and she winces slightly so he pulls away.   
“We can talk about that another time I guess, I didn’t come over here to make you more upset. I was just so worried about you.”  
This time he comes to her, exaggeratedly leaning down to catch her lips in a kiss that shouldn’t be as heated as it is given the context but Lois is glad he’s dropping the topic and goes to meld herself against him but, again, the movement hurts her.   
“Damn.” She mutters against his lips and he pulls away with a small frown.  
“Do you wanna lay down?”  
“No... I mean, god yes, but the nurse said that I shouldn’t be laying down too much because... well I don’t know.”  
Clark nods slowly and seems to be examining her chest thoroughly before nodding “Well, the nurse knows better than us anyway, we could go sit on the couch?”  
Lois grabs his hand and they go sit next to each other on her couch which has her bedspread flung over it and the TV has stopped making noise, instead, Netflix is asking her if she is still watching.   
Clark is accessing her little depression hovel and he doesn’t appear too happy.  
“Do you wanna watch something?”  
“When was the last time you ate?”  
Her stomach growls as if it is working in cahoots with Clark to make her fat. At first, she doesn’t think it was loud enough for him to hear but based on his expression she knows that he does.   
She goes for “Honesty”.  
“I had to eat at the hospital, they wanted to commit me. I had a whole fight with my dad about it but, ultimately, it’s not something they can do without my permission.”  
Clark leans into her couch, puts his feet up on the coffee table, and pulls out his phone.   
“I’m ordering food, and you’re gonna eat some.”


	4. Desert

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> shameless porn chapter

“So-” 

She looks over at Clark when he speaks and he is very purposefully not looking at her. 

“So?” She repeats. 

She stretches and makes herself sit up from where she is laying on Clark’s overstuffed couch.

They are in their underwear even with the AC running, Lois is surprised by how un-sweaty Clark is. 

“Do you wanna...” He bites his lower lip and if he didn’t look so uncomfortable she’d think he was trying to ask her to have sex. He looks almost like he’s in pain. 

After another moment of silence, he follows up “I got you something.” He smiles “A birthday present.” 

“It’s not my birthday for...” She looks at the clock “I didn’t realize how late it was.”

They both stand up and Clark heads towards his kitchen. 

Lois has never been great at receiving gifts. She never had birthday parties as a kid to learn the etiquette. 

“I have selfish intentions.” He warns her, his head sticking out around the corner to look at her. 

While he might not be sweaty, the humidity has gotten to his hair. His hair looks like a strange helmet, lacking the definition of his normal curls. 

“Clark? I didn’t even know you knew what the word selfish meant.” She puts her hand to her cheek in fake shock, but then she laughs. 

He fully comes around the corner carrying a small ice cream cake with a single candle unlit in the middle.  He puts it down on the coffee table. 

He is sheepish like he knows that he shouldn’t have bought her food “It’s not your only gift, I just love ice cream cake, and it’s so hot, and I thought it would be a nice treat for your birthday.” 

“Are you gonna sing me ‘Happy Birthday?’” 

“Do you want me to?”

Lois nods, even if she has no intention of eating that cake she wants to hear Clark sing. 

In another life, the one where she and Clark are Going Steady instead of FWB, she would be happy to see this cake. She would be thrilled. She would eat one slice, maybe even two.

Her stomach sinks as her brain starts doing the math that grossly overestimates how many calories are in an ice cream cake. 

He has a lighter that she hadn’t noticed before and he quickly lights the single candle.

He starts singing, softly, his voice is so deep it sounds almost thick. 

While he’s singing he is smiling, and he makes his way over to her just as he croons her name. He wraps his arms around her waist and pulls her against his chest.

“You loooooook like a monkey, and you smell like one, too.” He finishes softly, with his lips pressed near her ear like he should be whispering something romantic. 

She jokingly pushes him away and he smiles brightly.

“You’re the one who wanted me to sing. Now, blow out your candles- candle- and make a wish.”

Lois leans over and closes her eyes. She wishes the same thing she’s wished on every candle, folded potato chip, eyelash, you name it. 

_ I wish I was thin.  _ Objectively? She knows she’s thin, but it’s become such a habit she doesn’t even think about it anymore. 

“What did you wish for?” Clark asks, leaning in to whisper in her ear again.  __

“If I tell you it won’t come true.” She says the age-old response.

Their faces are so close that she barely has to turn into his arms and they are kissing. 

Clark moves his arms, and her with them, turning her to fully face him and kiss him more easily. 

Lois slides her hands down and around his torso to cup his ass. 

“Hmm, this cake is gonna melt.” He warns her while his hands begin to roam her back. 

“It’ll be ok.”

They stand in the same spot kissing for what seems like both an instant and an eternity. 

“Do you-” Clark starts.   
“We should go to the bedroom,” Lois says at the same time.

Clarks scoops her up like she weighs nothing and carries her into his room.

He turns the light on without jostling her at all and when he lays her on the bed he drapes his body over hers immediately. 

They’re are so close that Clark is barely keeping his weight off her while he begins to kiss down the length of her neck and along her collar bone.   

“You gotta be naked.” He says huskily and punctuates it by kissing her. 

Lois laughs and struggles to get her hands between them to start pulling off her black panties.

Clark pulls himself off of her and helps her pull her bralette off as well. She has hardly laid back down on the bed before he catches her nipple in his mouth. 

She moans louder than she normally does just in shock. 

He doesn’t stay but continues to trail kisses down her stomach, and then stations himself at the apex of her thighs

He begins to pepper the outer folds of her labia with lights kisses, every so often kisses her hooded clitoris, and then soon he is fully licking.

One of his hands sneaks under her behind to tilt her pelvis and the other moves towards where his mouth is, brushing against her core and gently teasing the sensitive skin around her vagina. 

Lois watches, enraptured, propped on her elbows and watching him work between the framing of her jutting hip bones. 

It is a testament to her sickness that she could be thinking about thinness or body checking while Clark eats her out like a buffet. 

She tires of him teasing her and begins to rock her hips so that she can feel the fullness of his fingers inside her. A poor prelude to the next act but still an overwhelming sensation. 

He catches her meaning and slips just one finger between her innermost lips and smiles when she gasps at the feeling. 

He follows up quickly with another finger and then moves forward to lavish her clit in just the way she likes while he moves his fingers in and out of her. 

She reaches down and tangles her fingers in his curls, moving with his head as he circles her clit with his tongue. She rides his hand, fully distracted now and desperate for release. 

“You should use another finger,” She says, breathing heavy. 

“Cum for me, baby, and I’ll give you more than some fingers.” He grins deviously pulling his head away from her pussy to taunt her.

“You gotta  _ make _ me cum first.” She sighs but it’s not as if he’s doing a bad job. Every one of her nerves feels taut and she is writhing against his face and hands as a woman possessed.

He takes her words like a call to action and begins to move within her with new vigor. 

He kisses and licks and sucks in all the ways she’s shown him to please her.

She sighs and moans and arches her back until she is almost nonsensical with her lust. 

When she does cum, it is in waves as he continues at a slower pace.

She pushes his head away a little to indicate that he should stop and he crawls up the bed, face shiny with her juices. 

He is still wearing his blue striped boxers and his erection is blatantly straining against the fabric. 

“Free the beast,” She jokes and Clark quickly scrambles to pull off his underwear. Once it is free of its confines his erection springs upwards and practically hit his roughly hewn stomach. 

Lois sucks in her breath at the sight and blushes “You’re so fucking hot Clark.” She reaches over and wraps her hand around the shaft, stroking and adding just a little more pressure as she hit the base.    
Clarks bucks against her ministrations after only a few moments and she knows he wants to be inside her. Lois pulls back and crawls onto her hands and knees, wiggling her hips to signal to Clark she wants to do doggy style. 

Smiling, he positions himself between her legs and lines himself up with her entrance, in an impossibly deep voice he whispers “I’m gonna make you cum again real quick like this.” he boasts and wraps his arm around her hips to thumb at her clit.

It is still sensitive so she backs away instinctively and Clark thrusts into her at the same time. He continues to rub at her sweet spot with his thumb and at first, it is too much. She wiggles and moaning, really she’s humping back against him. She can feel her excitement begin to climb through and she starts to back against him harder on purpose.

He moves his hand from her clit and reaches up to grab her breasts where they’re hanging freely. He begins pinching her nipples and grunting while he pumps into her. She relishes the friction every time he pulls out of her and the delicious feeling of being filled back up again. 

“Let’s switch.” He mutters, slowing down his pace to stop himself from finishing early. 

“Ok, what did you-” He pulls her by her hips to the end of the bed and turns her over. 

He’s practically doing a slipt to get low enough to line their bodies up correctly but his hands have much more access to her body now. He begins to slowly push and pull out of her like he’s moving at 1/4 speed. 

When his hands find her clit this time it is with no obstruction. He rubs two fingers along the sides of her clit to reawaken her but she is already there. She begins doing circles with her hips, taking what she can from his cock as he slowly thrusts. 

“Do you wanna cum on my cock, Lois?” He asks but it isn’t a question. She responds with a high pitched “mm-hm”.

He begins moving faster, pumping his hips against hers as she moves to meet him with her own. 

He is speaking unintelligibly, complimenting her, he keeps repeating  _ God, you feel so good,  _ and his hands never leave her clit. 

She is shaking she is so close to cumming and Clark can tell. He picks up his pace and he seems to be racing against his orgasm as he tries to get her second of the night. 

As soon as her first orgasmic contraction hits Clark loses all rhythm and grabs her hips to pump into her erratically until they’re both screwing their faces up and moaning together. It is more intense than her first, despite happening so quickly, and she wraps her hands around Clark’s arms to give herself purchase. 

He stays for a few moments afterward, gently moving inside her and then he flops down on the bed next to her, legs hanging off the edge as well. 

She curls into his armpit and falls asleep, satisfied knowing she has successfully avoided eating ice cream cake. 


End file.
